So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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