Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Randomize
