it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
