This is not my ceiling
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
