theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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