My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
