6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
