She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
My pussy is not your playground.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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