I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
