I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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