Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Randomize
