"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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