Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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