a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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