maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
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