How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
