Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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