the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
