wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
