I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
