can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
