I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
