so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
