Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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