those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
