If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i think i scared a bird with my dick
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
the gays at disneyland are vicious
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
