Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
