meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
