I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
