Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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