I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
You smell like stripper and shame
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
