if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
accomplished twins. life is a go
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
