My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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