I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Randomize
