oh god the rape fog is back!
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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