i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
