Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
