just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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