1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
