Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
