i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Randomize
