When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
