YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
