We're like a lot better than the average bears
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize