Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
