matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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