this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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