My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
