My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
