Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
