We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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