She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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