I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
