Banned from zoo.
Again?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
