Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Randomize
