Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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