Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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