i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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