I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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