there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
