You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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