Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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