Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
