Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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