im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
