it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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