I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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