I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
