you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I stole a fireplace last night.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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