I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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